Hello friends,
Thank you very much for your wishes and showing me that you are indeed with me in this tour. With the help of your wishes and by God’s grace, my feet are recovering well. My right foot has almost recovered. However, due to a little deep burn in my left foot, it is still raw and will take atleast a month or more to recover fully. So, I had decided to travel (ofcourse by car, with my brothers) back from
Also, for past few days, I have been thinking and I have come to a conclusion that this has to be the END of my “THE TOUR OF INDIA”.
I know, this will come as a surprise / shock to all of you, because in my recent communications to you, I was very upbeat about continuing it further. Actually, I have been thinking about it for past few days and was more inclined towards continuing it, so were my replies too. However, few things became very clear to me now and so this decision. For the kind of response and support that I have been getting from you, I believe, you deserve an explanation from me. Well, it’s the following that has shaped my decision:
Lack of belief that what I am doing now is the best that I could be doing for myself.
Let me explain – while starting the tour, I thought that this tour will help me get away from all the materialistic and emotional attachments and go to Mother Nature with pure heart and mind. It will also give me an opportunity to meet many different people and will help me understand them and eventually help me understand myself thru them. Well, I did meet many different people and it certainly helped me understand them and myself better. But, when I look at myself thru this understanding, I feel, I am no different. I am still emotionally and materialistically very attached to so many things. I believe, I have attained a certain level of peace within me, but these attachments of mine are no help in sustaining it. Somehow, I am unable to be completely peaceful in the company of Mother Nature.
After a lot of soul searching, I found the root cause that makes me vulnerable. The main cause is that I am very emotionally attached to so many people like my parents, my family and my friends. This actually divides me in two pieces from within. The one half wants to be a normal, office going, money earning, family man (as per the wishes and expectations of my parents and my family), I call it the family side. And the other half wants me to keep being adventurous, risk taking, living life fully kind of a person (as per likings of my friends and well wishers), I call it the friends side. While, if I look at my dream for myself, I want to be detached and peaceful person (I call it peaceful mind or the desired state). This 3-way complication keeps disturbing whatever peace and understanding about life that I have attained so far.
I started this tour hoping to move away from first two of the above mentioned states towards the third state of mind. However, due to your overwhelming response and love, I started moving towards the second state of mind. Somehow, I started believing that I am that kind of a person from within. Also, the recent events (my accident) and my interaction with my family has brought back all the sleeping emotions (from the first state of mind) in me and has again triggered that same old battle within me between these two states of mind. This situation combined with my efforts to write a book titled “confessions of a peaceful mind”, has brought me to this understanding that I have described above.
Now, I feel that by continuing the tour, I am not moving towards my desired state of mind. It also is triggering very negative reactions from the first state of mind (the family side). I am really sorry, I might not be able to keep in touch with you frequently as I am at home trying to get myself relieved from my family responsibilities and attempt to win over my first state of mind (the family side). I am unsure as to where exactly will I be and what exactly will I be doing in near future. I will be back in touch with you all when I will be able to sustain the desired level of peace within me.
I really apologize for any kind of disturbance / distraction this whole TOUR OF INDIA might have caused to you. I am really sorry. I would also like to thank you all for all your support. Especially, Pratapsan, Hirensan, KKsan, Virupaji, Ketansan and Avisan… I know how much attached you were to the tour and how much you would have wanted it to be completed but I am really sorry. This is necessary. I am sure, you will understand.
Lastly, by stopping the tour, I am not disturbed or hurt or anything like that. Infect, I am feeling more peaceful. May be that’s the only reward I can take out of my endeavor so far. And may be that’s the final prize (a sustained peace) towards what I have started moving. The only thing that comes to my mind right now is the only poem that I wrote in my whole life.
When I came in this world,
I was alone.
When I will leave,
I will be alone.
When I came in this world,
There were people around me,
Smiling at me, I was crying.
When I will leave,
There will be people around me,
Crying for me, I will be smiling.
When I came in this world,
I was alone,
I did not know fear.
When I will leave this world,
I will be alone,
I will not care about fear.
If I am alone today,
Why am I afraid?
PS: This blog would surely make one chapter of my book “Confessions of a peaceful mind” :)
2 comments:
Hi Mahipal,
There is no such event in life that doesn't carry a significance. There is always a learning which you carry back. I will wait to read the book you write...it will definitely give insight into how you felt during this journey.
From whatever I read of your thoughts, your minds is in conflict. Only way I see an end to it is to see all the sides as a part of you and not two different sides. When you reconcile yourself with both, is only when you can achieve peace with yourself.
And how can one reconcile is by living in the moment (the present). In every moment there will be one side that is conflicting with the other. Rather than taking decision based on one side if you will try to observe the conflict objective. Soon the conflict will disappear.
I am saying this from my personal experience with myself. B'cos from very begining of my life I was exposed to spirituality and philosophy b'cos of my parents.
But after having read and heard a lot of spiritual gurus. I have come to conclusion is that do a thing only when you have only one thought left with you. Whenever there are two thoughts, sit on them observe them and probably things will start falling into place sooner or later. Suddenly you will realize that you are left with only one thought and passion for it. Only when that happens you do it. Else carry on with the life the way it is, b'cos for body to survive, food is necessary and this is a fact. So to get food/shelter/clothing you need to earn, so go to work. And the problem arises when we start stopping our desires to be materialitic and all that b'cos we feel that it is wrong to thing that way.
But the answer to that is in the story which i have taken to heart. I believe you too would have heard of it. It is about the feeling Alexander had when he was on death bead,after having won the world. Alexander had a realization that what has he achieved after all this. All he needs now is a 6x4 piece of land. And I believe that the realization that Alexander had when he was dying is more profound.
The reason being, he had tried hard to win the world for whole of his life and only he could understand the futility of it. Nobody else could have been able to understand it more profoundly. And probably that one moment is enough for one to liberate.
So I am a pretty firm believer in Karma Yoga...that is do what is necessary considering the current dynamics of the world. Use your rationale to make decision. And if a moment of ultimate peace has to happen it will "JUST HAPPEN".
I think I written too much. Hope you find peace with yourself and I would only like to say the attempt you made was the right decision. B'cos unless you would have done that you would never have realized what you are experiencing now.
That's why somebody has said it correctly.
"Life is a journey"
God Bless.
Regards
Viral Mehta
Hey Baapu,
First of all, hats off for what you have done....its unique its profound and most importantly you have been able to do what you felt like doing....like having the cake and eating it too!!mind you not all people in this world are lucky enough!!
Now since you have been pulled back by your love, your emotions towards your family....think that God might has a stronger desire for you to return to that Family part of yours rather than the other one....atleast at this point of time!HE allowed to enjoy to experience to play in the laps of Mother Nature but pulled you up when time came for you to revive the family part of you...
So get well soon and God bless you and come back in touch whenever you feel like...and most important of all enjoy your being with the family members at the fullest because i believe that there is nothing more refreshing and enchanting than being with your family....
Am sure you would be back at your best at the earliest and consider me as one of the first buyers of the book of yours whenever you happen to write and publish it...cause it would be a first close first hand account of how beautiful India is!
Get well soon,
Luv,
Mayur.
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